Next Stop: Atlantic

Tuesday my homeboy Thomas is coming to stay with me for 3 days before flying back to NYC for good (if everything goes as planned, which I hope for him - long story, which I won’t post here)

So yeah, pretty happy these days. Can’t wait to see him!!!!!!!!!

This weekend sucked less than I had expected. It was one of those weekends where I have mad papers to correct (4B English tests) and couldn’t even go on a date with The Guy (of course he had to ask to get together this weekend).

BUT I managed to hang out with the old happy-hour crowd: The Laus + his Angel, Surfer Dude plus wife, L., Maiphone and A. We went to our favorite spot in town, Grande, which has a non-smoking room in the back which reminds me a lot of cafes in the East Village - exposed bricks and all. They also have a fireplace so we all smell like smoked bacon now but I’ll take that over cigarette smoke anytime.

I was really bummed that I didn’t get to hang out with The Guy this weekend because the other time was fun. BUT, instead we had an awkward phone conversation on Wednesday night followed by a cute email on Thursday night (apparently he didn’t think the phone call was that bad).

So he’s being really cute and all and by now it is obvious that he’s interested in me. I mean I had a feeling all along that that might be the case but after the email there’s no doubt and then I found something in my mailbox (like, my physical mailbox) today which I suspect he might have dropped off for me (why didn’t he sign his name????). Nothing romantic, it’s just a catalog of something we talked about not too long ago and it wasn’t sent by mail because there’s no address on it so I’m 99% sure he dropped it off for me, which is like, really cute.

So now I am a bit torn because I am totally into romantic shit like this - plus I am horny too (is this TMI for a public weblog?) but - and this is a big but - I am totally not ready for something serious yet. I mean, on one hand I really want a relationship but on the other hand I have a lot of doubts about what/who I want and also I feel my last relationship was so fucked up in the end that I seriously need a break.

On the other hand I am completely amazed how quickly a guy came into my life when I didn’t even do anything and was already prepared for several years of loneliness as was the case the last time.

Oh well, I’m not complaining. At least there’s some excitement in my life

PS: For the German speaking crowd: TMI = too much information

PPS: I am never, ever giving a boyfriend or someone I’m dating the URL to my weblog again. It’s bad enough 2 (3?) of my exes can read this. (no offense but it feels weird sometimes)

PPPS: OK, just got an email, the catalog was from The Guy, lol.

• Hearing awesome music on my way to and from work and singing along really loudly to songs like “Holiday in Spain” by Counting Crows
• Laughing with the TA and the students in my English class
• My administrator’s dorkyness and the fact that he got me a bottle of champagne because I had to sub so much last week
• Getting some “kudos” (only appropriate word in this context, although I fear the only people who would understand this don’t read the weblog anymore) from my principal regarding the “Spirit Days” I introduced at our school. So far we had “Twin Day”, “Nerd Day” and “Cross-Dressing Day” and they were all a blast!
• Getting a really, really sweet email from date-guy right before going to bed last night (of course that made me lose quite a bit of sleep)
• Plans tomorrow night to go drinking with the old happy-hour crew from my school

My thoughts and feelings are all over the place. The truth is I think I just want to fall in love… I am currently listening to a song that I was listening to a lot when I last fell in love. A love that remained (mostly) secret and completely unfulfilled but turned everything upside down for me. Some of you know what I am talking about - it’s something I can’t post here because of some of the people who read this blog…

part of me wants that time back… when options were still unknown and dreaming was possible. I know that particular love is something that will never ever happen, unfortunately. I still think of that person that way sometimes and it’s killing me that it will always remain unfulfilled.

Now is the time when I could do all the things you can only do as a single person… but I am too scared to do so. And at the same time the thought of letting a new person into my life is scaring me. Am I even ready for something new?

Date-guy wanted to see me this weekend but I am really, really busy (and I can’t ask him to come along Saturday night - we’re not there quite yet), so now it looks like we won’t see each other for a few weeks, which really bothers me. Maybe I’m just horny and that’s what it is.

Wow, the other one (the one I mentioned yesterday) is online again…

Something is about to happen really soon, I can feel it.

I’ve been working really hard on keeping my past in my past but recently more and more people have been creeping up from my past. Some through Facebook, others through strange coincidences, like the death of a person, which prompted someone from my past to contact me.

This happened almost a week ago and I haven’t felt like posting about it because my feelings were all over the place. On the one hand I was upset hearing about that death, on the other hand suddenly this person who I hadn’t spoken to in more than 15 years found me on Skype and is there, online, this very moment and I just can’t handle it because I have been trying to get this person out of my head for almost as long.

We exchanged 2 emails and now I am out of words because I can’t be like “Hi how have you been” when this person has just lost someone very close to them.

And for the past 15 years or so I have really been trying to forget about this person but now I just can’t when they’re online, on Skype, as I am typing this and part of me keeps hoping, “Talk to me, please.” I just can’t handle it.

I went sifting through old letters
Just to find your number written on a page
Sometimes i remember secrets that you said
In places nobody could trace
Ooh you creep around my head
With all the things you said and
Boxes that you kept labeled lightly with my name
In case i didn’t stay
Of course i’d never stay for promises you’d break
I’ll come running i’ll be where you are
I’ll coming running i’ll see you’re found out

(Old Letters - Company of Thieves)

Actually the lyrics above fit another person better but this song’s been with me for the past few months…

Some more news on the dating front, but I’ll write about that another time.

Fuck, I can’t get this person out of my head (the one mentioned above). Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Since the two most faithful readers of this web log, who share the same nickname, N. (slightly different spelling) - one being the nosy one and the other one being the girl also known as “She” have been nagging me to post about the date, I will finally do so.

Well, Saturday was awesome. I met the guy in Vienna and we went to the Annie Leibovitz exhibit which was amazing. Yes, she’s famous for her portraits of celebrities but the exhibit showed much more than that. That woman is amazing and some of her pictures just left me completely speechless. My date (who also enjoys taking pictures and sees the difference between a regular photo and an amazing shot) liked the exhibit as well and it was nice being able to actually talk about the photographs too.

After the exhibit we went to a small cafe to decide what to do next. He had brought a movie guide with him. I assumed he goes to the movies frequently, so I said something like, “I assume you’ve already seen “Das weisse Band” (The White Ribbon)?” He said no, so I said that that was the only movie I knew I wanted to see. He immediately agreed and we ran over to the movie theater because it started 15 minutes later and it was a 12 minute walk. That was pretty funny because the movie started as we got there.

The movie was also amazing - now I know why everyone’s been telling me to go see it. It’s hard to describe - just really, really good. I still have images of it in my head that I can’t get rid of. If you like movies that are out of the ordinary, go see it. It’s not your typical Hollywood movie - that’s for sure!

Well, we both loved the movie - so everything had been great.

Finally we went to get some dinner - I was allowed to choose, so I chose Japanese and the restaurant he chose did not disappoint! Excellent Sushi, amazing wine and we had a pretty good time.

After dinner he walked me to the train station and waited until my train came, which I though was really nice. (Fucking suburbs though. I miss living in NYC so much these days). We both agreed it was a really great day.

So, great evening. The problem? The lack of butterflies from my part. Like, he’s nice, like really nice. And he’s a total gentleman. And we have quite a few things in common like interests and hobbies. Still, something’s lacking. Most of our conversations stayed on the superficial side and that wasn’t necessarily his fault. It seems something’s not clicking.

When we said goodbye he said we would talk soon so I’ll wait and see. He’s definitely great to hang out with on a Saturday because I really had a great time but I’m not sure what he expects from this friendship - if he expects anything at all although it definitely was a date.

I’m left feeling a bit disappointed because part of me wanted to really like him, because he is a nice guy (and not bad looking either) and because it would be nice to have someone again - although things regarding my (nonexistent) love-life are much more complicated than what I write in this web log.

So, yeah, I don’t know. We’ll see what the future brings…

Friday night Dave Matthews Band performed at Gasometer in Vienna. Originally I was supposed to go with G. but then she canceled on me, like, 2 weeks before the concert - actually it was all much more complicated than that and completely ridiculous. Just thinking about it pisses me off to no end. Whatever.

Steph, also known as my soul-sista, was supposed to go to the concert as well - together with her bf who wasn’t able to go, so I had an extra ticket and she had an extra ticket (her tickets were actually free because she works for a radio station), so we were like “Fuck it!” and I sold my 2 tickets on Ebay (more on that another time) and got her extra free ticket. I made a profit of EUR30 and went to the concert with her, which I should have done to begin with because Dave Matthews Band + Steph = fabulous night.

Teresa and Martin (her bf) were going too, Rafa was supposed to go but canceled (wtf?) and M. had tickets too - we were supposed to meet him and his girlfriend (who I haven’t met yet) at the concert. Oh and a colleague of mine (also called M.) was going too with his group of friends. What happened is that M. performed one of his famous disappearing acts: he called in the afternoon to tell me when they were going to the concert. I texted him when we were there (we got there rather late and were all the way in the back = next to the bar) and called after the concert. Nada. He also hasn’t replied to an email I sent him a couple of days ago. Whatever.

So in the end it was Steph, Teresa, Martin and me and we had the time of our lives!

We were in the back of the hall - it was so crowded! But we could totally dance, which Steph and I did. The EUR30 profit of the Ebay sales were wisely invested in drinks and when Dave Matthews came on stage Steph and I were screaming like teenagers.

(click on image to view larger size)

Compared to other venues where I had seen DMB (Madison Square Garden and Virginia Beach), Gasometer felt cozy but people were going insane! I mean DMB has been successful since 1995 and this was their first time in Vienna.

We had such a blast - also because Steph and I share similar memories when in comes to DMB as we both spent time in the US when they were really popular.

Dave Matthews Band was fabulous - although they didn’t play any of my favorites (Satellite, Two Step, Crash Into Me, Lie in our Graves), they totally rocked the house. Of course when they played “Ants Marching”, which I also love, the crowd went crazy.

I tried to capture a little bit of it - never mind the video being all shaky (I guess I was dancing too) and never mind poster-roll-girl in front of me.

Best. Concert. Of the year. Seriously. Saugeil.

Today felt a bit like Christmas - my package from Urban Outfitters UK came in and now I have various goodies spread over my couch and I’m going all like, “Ooh, ah, stuff!”. This is what I got:

A dome umbrella, which I had been wanting forever and which seems impossible to find in Austria. This is it and it’s super cute.

Then I got some retro cream-colored Panasonic headphones, which are really really cool.

And finally I got to black cardigans - one is short and super soft and the other is long, has a waffle knit pattern and a shawl neckline. Both fit perfectly and look really cute.

And because Urban Outfitter rocks, they included a free CD in their shipment which I also happen to like.

And then I stopped at Hofer and got myself their Media Player and so now I can watch all movies which are stored on my computer’s hard drive on my TV - how cool is that?

So yeah, totally materialistic but - whatever!

So, obviously, the sledding non-date didn’t take place. Although I did feel better by Sunday and actually called the guy to tell him that we could go after all. But, alas, he had made other plans in the meantime and who can seriously blame him for that considering how sick I sounded when I called him Saturday.

So we made plans to hang out this weekend instead. Sledding was the plan but as we looked at the weather forecast it didn’t look so good as the temperatures were supposed to rise this week. I mentioned that last weekend to which he replied that we could do something else like a movie. OK. Now a movie - that kind of qualifies as a date, doesn’t it?

Well today he called to finalize plans for Saturday and since it’s supposed to rain on Saturday (yes rain, not snow) he suggested doing something else. His suggestion (after trying to come up with ideas): going to an exhibit (hey, Annie Leibovitz finally?), then dinner and then possibly a concert.

Wow, that is intense. That sounds like a lot of time together and definitely like a date. Whoa. Not sure if I’m ready for this because I’m not even sure we have that much to talk about - I mean sledding is one thing but an exhibit, dinner and a concert?

So while I am excited to have a date (I think we can agree that’s what it is) I am a little afraid of possible awkwardness. In any case, this weekend will be interesting.

Oh and tomorrow’s the Dave Matthews Band concert at Gasometer and lots of cool friends are going too so I am super excited and oh so happy I am not sick any longer. Maybe I finally get to enjoy life this weekend after the two ruined past weekends.

So this is the second weekend in a row where I had to cancel plans to go see the Annie Leibovitz exhibit in Vienna (this is her first exhibit since I saw her with the nosy one who reads my weblog in 1993 or 1994). Last weekend I had to cancel because something unexpected happened which kind of made it hard to focus on something like an exhibit.

So I was even more excited to go see it this weekend and then possibly hang out with a few friends. And y’all know about my plans for tomorrow.

Well, I’m sick. I had been feeling extremely exhausted all week long while not sleeping well at the same time. Plus I got a migraine Thursday - it was weird. But considering things last weekend I wasn’t that surprised.

Last night I finally felt a cold creeping up - this morning I felt like crap. Since noon I’m also having a low fever, so going out today is out of the question, which pisses me really off because I was so looking forward to some fun. Sledding tomorrow in the cold also seems pretty much out of the question at this point. So I just called the non(?)-date and told him my issue. He asked if there was anything I needed - he could stop tomorrow. Awww… 5 bonus points for non-date-guy. (Of course I said no because seriously who wants to be seen by a non-date when they’re looking and feeling like crap)

To the nosy one who reads my weblog ;): I’ll tell you more when the time is right but keep looking for clues

So I’m in this kind of weird situation - let me just start by saying that my love life has sucked big time lately and that recently I just had my heart broken all over again pretty much, except now I am really, really angry and the only thing holding me back from cursing at a particular person here is that this person might still be reading this.

Anyway.

Let me also add here that I am no longer interested in the 26-year-old even though he is mad cute but, like I’ve mentioned before, he’s 26 and has a girlfriend and even though I am a masochist, I am not completely retarded.

Enter the other one.

There’s this guy who I’ve known forever pretty much and who I have seen on a couple of occasions recently and he’s been showing some interest in me recently s well. Now it’s really hard for me to tell if he’s looking for somebody to just do fun stuff with (he’s single as far as I know and we have some interests in common) or if he’s interested in dating me. A person who has seen us interact also said that they felt he could be interested in me. Now honestly, I don’t even know how I feel about this or him. Like I said, I’ve known him for a while and we’ve always been just friends. He’s fairly attractive but I’m not sure I could be attracted to him. I just don’t see him as a potential date.

Well anyway, we’ve exchanged cell-phone numbers and we’ve emailed each other - but we haven’t even hung out yet or anything. So now we were talking about going sledding sometime and I suggested this weekend adding that I might have plans on Saturday (which I do) but that we could still go Sunday early afternoon. So now he replied we could go Sunday evening (sledding in the dark is crazy and fun) and even though I hate Sunday nights because I usually have tons of work to do for school, I totally want to do this because it’s just so random and fun (and crazy).

And then suddenly it dawned on me that Sunday is Valentine’s Day - but before all you Americans (all 2 of you, lol) get all excited and scream “How romantic”, let me just say that Valentine’s day here is not a big deal at all. We have it but it’s nothing like it is in the States. On a scale from 1-10 it’s 2 here and 10 in the States. The only thing reminding me that V-Day is coming up is Farmville on Facebook. (And thank God, because there’s nothing more depressing than being a single gal in the US on V-Day).

So, technically, I don’t even know if this guy is fully aware that it’s Valentine’s Day.

So now what? You see he humor in all of this, right?

So I might be going sledding with a guy Sunday night and I don’t even know if it’s a date - not even remotely. I don’t know if he’s interested in me or what the deal is. Any clues?

But I know one thing: if it turns out to be a date then this would make history as craziest date on Valentine’s Day. Climbing up a mountain and sledding in the dark. Can’t get much better than this.

I’d add San Francisco too.

What do these places have in common (and why am I listing them?):

• Porto, Portugal
• Boston, Mass.
• Washington, DC
• London, Great Britain
• Thessaloniki, Greece
• Lisbon, Portugal
• Barcelona, Spain
• Genoa, Italy
• Rome, Italy
• Gran Canaria, Spain
• San Sebastian, Spain
• San Jose, Costa Rica

…sometimes other people’s words are better than the words that come out of my mouth.

I was browsing for the lyrics to the song I posted the other day and when I found them earlier all I could think of is, wow.

At least two people should know what I’m talking about when I post this:

Where Do My Bluebird Fly
Oh, well I knew you shook the set-up baby, of all the leaves up in the ground
And I know our song is over and heavy as I see dry leaves fallin’ down, oh
With all this fever in my mind, I could drown in your kerosene eyes
Oh, you’re just a riddle in the sky
Oh, where do my bluebird fly?

Oh, well I know you stroke your feathers baby upon the ghosts along my trail
And I know your lie was sold and buried before I knew it was for sale, oh
With all this fever in my mind I could aim for your kerosene eyes
Oh, you’re just a target in the sky
I say where do my bluebird fly?
I say where do my bluebird fly?

So I’ve been having these super erotic dreams lately featuring various people who are somewhat present in my life right now. One featured the gorgeous 26 year old, that we’ll refer to as “Schnucki” from now on, the other two featured people who fall into the “friends” category, don’t want to be too specific now but… omg.

I’ve all kinds of vague crushes right now, I’m pretty desperate.

On the other hand I’m also pretty hopeful that something totally unexpected and wild might be happening soon. I am currently waiting to hear from a particular person. I thought I’d been getting some vibes there that he might be interested in me and even though this is someone that I’ve practically known forever I still feel intrigued by it.

And then there’s the other one, the one that’s completely out of reach but who I still have major feelings for.

Being able to talk to a friend about this helps - actually two friends, Maiphone and Stine.

Spent an awesome evening with Maiphone talking and watching a movie - something I haven’t done with a friend forever. I’m glad our friendship has grown over the past few months.

And as far as Stine is concerned I just miss hanging out with her at Sweet Melissa’s and spending my lunches with her.

Point of this entry? None, except that my feelings are all over the place, and believe me that’s a good thing

And here are two songs that I adore at the moment - for Stine, because I know she actually appreciates getting to know new music:

The second one has actually an awesome video too. Enjoy