Some time ago, I believe it was during our last timeout, the ex-lover sent me this saying:
On my way home from work, exhausted and depressed, I was trying to come up with something I could possibly do tonight to make me feel happy. I couldn’t come up with anything except for 2 things that would have involved two people that are very dear to me but currently unavailable (busy).
I also didn’t feel like going to sewing class despite the cold, crappy weather and I also didn’t feel like going to FNS for the same reason (I didn’t even bother making plans with T or anybody else).
So I thought some more. First, I know that part of the reason I am feeling super crappy today is because of constant lack of sleep. My sleeping patterns have been all over the place – on some nights I stay up until 12:30am, on some mornings I wake up as early as 5:30am unable to go back to sleep (everything else has been back to normal though for a while – including my ability to concentrate on work as well as my appetite). So I can just hope that this will pass as soon as I will have had a good night’s sleep…
Then I realized that right now there actually isn’t much that would make me happy, so I decided to focus on the opposite: not doing things that don’t make me happy. That being said I skipped sewing class because I have stopped liking to sew for a while now.
And then, actually, a couple of small things did happen that made me happy, so I thought of the book “The absolutely true diary of a part-time Indian” by Sherman Alexie, where Junior, the main character, starts making “happy lists” in order to survive from the pain of all the deaths in his family. So this is mine for today:
- was able to buy a copy of the out-of-print book “The Enneagram in Love and Work” in German on willhaben.at for 2€. It usually sells for around 20€ on Ebay because it is out of print. When I got it in the mail today I saw that it was like new. Score! (Yeah, I know that owning the book in German now is kind of pointless since I had started looking for it so I could share it with the lover but who knows when I might need it again)
- received an email from Joel who told me I was welcome to stay with him in his apartment in August – summer planning can begin!
- Just watched the last episode of season 3 of “Breaking Bad” and I freakin’ loved it!!!! This show is really brutal but awesome – just as I was beginning to get bored it got real good again
Baby steps, I know. And now I’ll try to fall into bed sooner than the past few nights and hope not to get sick (feeling like I might)