Wr. Neustadt is always a challenge

Posted on Monday, May 20, 2013
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Yesterday actually felt very much like my first vacation day in a really long time, where I did what I felt like doing without just hanging around at home feeling depressed. I was actually pretty depressed, or rather sad because I just kept thinking about the ex-lover, but tried to distract myself the best I could.

In the late morning I went to the lake where I just laid around for a few hours enjoying the sun (the water’s too cold for me still), reading and eating the first cherries of the season (my favorite fruit ever). Then in the late afternoon, Marion and I did a bike trip together along the Wr. Neustädter Kanal. After we had observed the weather carefully, we decided that it would be our best option to take the train to Wr. Neustadt and ride north, because there were strong winds blowing from the south.

Wr. Neustadt is always a challenge. The bike path leading from the train station to the canal has hardly any signs and so far we have gotten lost every single time. Which is annoying because you’re looking forward to bicycling for some miles along the canal and not wasting time stopping and asking people where the bike route is. We even had a map this time (Marion’s iPhone) but we still took the wrong streets multiple times. Also, there is a weird detour now in Sollenau, because apparently the old bike path leads through a military zone they decided to close for cyclists. So there’s a detour now of several km… the path is getting more and more ridiculous every year.

The ride along the canal was awesome though – we had pretty strong tailwinds and were speeding along the gravel road, where there were no people at all. We saw various animals and plants along the way and could ride alongside and talk. There were some looming clouds in the west but they stayed there and we only felt some drops as we got to Bad Vöslau (at that point we had done 30km and felt it was enough) to take the train. (oh and of course we had to pass various roundabouts and other places in Vöslau, which triggered all sorts of memories… fml)

We got off in Mödling, where apparently it had rained a bit and went to my favorite Greek restaurant, where we sat outside, drank retsina and ate amazing mussels.

Pretty nice, right? Except for my thoughts I could not shake of despite the exercise and the wine….

At 10pm I had a phone-date with my homeboy Thomas, who of course can’t take away my pain either but who still managed to make me feel a lot better. It was one of those really awesome conversations last night, one where we can both be totally open with one another (we talked a lot about some of the things that are on his mind as well and it makes me happy when I know that he’s been healthy). Thomas also said some really nice things about me, which I don’t really want to write down here because they are very personal, but essentially it had something to do with the way I have changed (in a positive way), like, for example, how I never complained to him about how difficult things with the ex-lover were in the past months, even though they were. And also generally, how I hadn’t been complaining much overall (and other, more personal things). I’m not sure how much of this is true, but I do know that the months spent with the lover did change me – I definitely learned to give him more space (which of course I had to do due to the given situation), to be patient (still struggling with that) and most of all to enjoy the moments together. I have made some mistakes in my other relationships (especially in the one with NJB) and one of my personal goals (and this has nothing to do with the ex-lover) was to not repeat them in my next relationship. Funny thing is that the ex-lover made it easy for me to do some of those things differently and also to want me to become a better person overall. Of course these are things that I am working on because it’s not like I can change overnight but I felt I had made some progress. Like I said, this is much too personal to be talking about here openly….

So the night ended quite positively after all, even though the sadness remains, of course, but there’s not much I can do about that currently.

 

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On days like this

Posted on Sunday, May 19, 2013
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On days like this, riding my bike for 30km and drinking two glasses of Retsina isn’t enough to drown the pain.

I miss him.

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FNS in the rain

Posted on Saturday, May 18, 2013
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I had an awesome evening/night after all – even though everything seemed to go wrong initially. The official FNS page kept saying that FNS would take place, meanwhile there were more and more clouds appearing on the horizon.

Around 6pm I gave T. a call to find out if we would meet like we had planned to earlier. He was all like, I don’t know, the weather doesn’t look very inviting, not sure if I wanna go…etc. So I was all like, dude, I need to get out of this apartment or I’m going crazy here, I need to go bicycling – and, believe it or not, I was able to convince him to hang out (that’s another first with T. that he agrees to come out after he’s already almost canceled. The guy still has some surprises in store, I’m telling ya). We agreed that I would take the 8.09pm train and meet him at Heldenplatz unless FNS was canceled, in which case we might meet for drinks instead.

Around that same time I sent a text message to my friend, Martin, who was supposed to meet me too, so I wouldn’t have to go by myself (he didn’t know that T. might be coming) and asked him if I’d see him at 9pm.

At 8pm I left the house and when I was in the train I got a text message from T. asking me what the plan was. “I’m on the train”, I replied. Just as I got off the train it started raining. Fuck! I tried to go on Facebook to see if they were canceling FNS after all (since it’s dangerous for skaters to skate on wet roads, they cancel it whenever it rains) but couldn’t get my phone to work. I considered calling T. but at that point I just decided to ride to Heldenplatz and hope for the best.

Then I got a text at 8:37pm from Martin, who told me he wasn’t coming. Thanks a lot, dude. I replied “So glad I can always rely on you. I’m in Vienna” and rode on. Yeah, so much for that friendship. (this is not the first time he’s canceled on me).

But then everything turned out just fine.

When I got to Heldenplatz T. was already there. There were very few people (no sign of the ass-ex, IR, thank God) and we were afraid they were going to cancel it after all but then they announced they were going to give it a try. So we rode – it was a slower pace than usual since the streets were wet but we still had all the lanes of the Ring to ourselves and awesome music coming from the speakers of the sound-car.

Of course we had to pass the bridge, where I assume a red lock is still hanging… that hurt, of course, but other than that I tried to put all of last week aside and just enjoy the ride, like I have always done. There’s something about FNS that just makes me feel good – and even more when I get to ride with a person that I like as much as T. Of course it is not like last September – too much has happened since then, but it’s still special, even when we were both not in the greatest of moods (T is really stressed out these days).

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After about 40 minutes it started to rain again and that’s when the organizers decided to turn back – bummer, but it was really pouring and not much fun at that point. We got back to Heldenplatz at 10pm, which is mad early, so we decided to go get some drinks at the bar we always go to after FNS.

We literally got the last table, right by the door (poor T was being rained on) – whatever. After two delicious strawberry daiquiris we didn’t care and just went on talking about relationships, exes and the importance of physical contact (also between friends). Things between T. and me are very different now compared to a year ago, I can’t really say how, but it seems he’s trusting me more and telling me more personal things while at the same time I am more comfortable around him. I am nowhere near even thinking of dating someone else, still, being around T. feels good.

At 11:30 we made the decision for me to take the last train at 1am, so we hung out until 12:45 and then I rode up Argentinierstrasse drunk, like I have done so many times in the past few years. Taking the last train going south was hilarious as usual and reminded me of the one time Greg and I went to see the fireworks at Coney Island and the train back was packed with drunk Puerto Ricans (PR party train). There were drunk people lying down on the ground last night – luckily no students of mine, but still… pretty funny actually.

So, I had a good time despite all the heartache of the past week.

Oh and then I made this short video clip of part of last night’s route – riding along the Ring is always the best part, especially when there’s only a few people like last night…

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:)

Posted on Saturday, May 18, 2013
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My friend Andrew just sent me this cartoon without knowing my current relationship drama (he does know a bit about the past few months though)

couple

I love it.

It’s from this website, which has one of my favorite cartoons of all times. *sigh*.

Missing the lover.

PS: Stay tuned for a post about last night’s FNS, which was awesome.

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TMI

Posted on Friday, May 17, 2013
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This is for my (old) ex, who is not on Facebook and just recently learned the correct usage of the phrase “TMI” (click to enlarge)

TMI

and maybe for the other (recent) ex too, who may find this funny…

In other news I am observing the clouds and the updates on the FNS page because, damn, I want to do some bicycling in Vienna tonight and then get really, really drunk. You have no idea how much I need this after this week (and today’s parent-teacher conferences)…

 

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Protected: Some Days

Posted on Friday, May 17, 2013
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Protected: 20km

Posted on Thursday, May 16, 2013
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+2%

Posted on Tuesday, May 14, 2013
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+2%, I’d say. From yesterday:

Gelee-13

And then I looked out of the window and saw the crescent… :)

And now I’m gonna go and pamper myself a bit in the bathroom, do my toenails and drink some wine. Just because….

 

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Because I can’t help it

Posted on Tuesday, May 14, 2013
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A friend, (actually and ironically Mr T himself) sent me this saying in an email earlier:

Zeitpunkt3

The more I think of it, the more it makes sense… this has been on my mind all night now…

Not related to anything, I was listening to the song “The A Team” by Ed Sheeran, a song that I absolutely love although it’s about drugs and really not related at all to anything, like I said.

I first heard that song as played by Lukasz, Margo’s nephew, when we were staying at his place in Warsaw last July. He knows how to play the guitar really well and overall he was a really nice guy (too bad he was so damn young), so one night he played some songs for us and I played one song, too (and I sucked because I never practice. BTW it just hit me that I never played or sang for the ex-lover…. at least I don’t remember doing so. Weird…). Anyway, turns out we have very similar taste in music, so we spent quite some time on YouTube that night, sharing our favorite songs.

I have really good memories of Warsaw, even though it became clear on that trip that my former best friend, Margo, and I are really very different from one another and have very little in common. But the trip itself was awesome – staying with Lukasz and exploring the city with Margo, eating Pierogis, taking pictures and strolling through the city, later going out with Lukasz, Dominik and Karola (who just had a baby from what I gathered on Facebook). This was also one of the most spontaneous trips ever – I think I booked it 4 days before flying there. Probably I booked it a week after the guy who later became my lover called to wish me a nice summer and was gone. Weird memories…

I just looked through my pics I took back then – I should really make an album on my other website one of these days. This is one – definitely a happier me than now – waiting for what would be the best pierogi ruskie  in my life

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Yeah… kind of lost in my train of thoughts now. So I’ll just leave you with Ed Sheeran’s song and try to sleep…

God, this song just made me realize all the songs that I still would have like to share with the ex-lover, or the stories from my past, the funny ones as well as the sad ones, because even though things were complicated, I trusted this one, I really did…

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Smile

Posted on Monday, May 13, 2013
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Just had to smile for a brief moment because I found an old entry in one of my (paper) journals that I had forgotten all about. I was looking up how I had felt after a particular “breakup” (it wasn’t even a breakup, it was the tragic end of a friendship many years ago, something I thought I would never get over at the time and then we became friends again and then we “broke up” again and became even closer friends and now there’s no contact whatsoever between this person and me and it’s finally OK)

Zum… <- (und dann ging wiedermal der Strom aus. Nein, nicht lustig. Oder doch, weil wir Wein getrunken haben & viel gelacht & ich mich so gut gefühlt habe, daß XY ganz weit weg schien…)

Translation: [Beginning of random sentence] and then the electricity went off once again. Not funny. Or actually it’s pretty funny because we drank wine, laughed and I felt so good that XY seemed really far away…

I remember I had been crying and writing in my journal and then the lights went out and I had to stop and then I must have wandered into the living room and found my roommates there who I had the wine with. I don’t think I ever told them what was wrong, but in that particular moment they had “saved” me.

And I remember how many years later (must have been after some other breakup) I wished the lights would go out and I could be in that situation with my roommates again. Kind of makes me wish the lights would go out now as well ;)

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