Yesterday actually felt very much like my first vacation day in a really long time, where I did what I felt like doing without just hanging around at home feeling depressed. I was actually pretty depressed, or rather sad because I just kept thinking about the ex-lover, but tried to distract myself the best I could.
In the late morning I went to the lake where I just laid around for a few hours enjoying the sun (the water’s too cold for me still), reading and eating the first cherries of the season (my favorite fruit ever). Then in the late afternoon, Marion and I did a bike trip together along the Wr. Neustädter Kanal. After we had observed the weather carefully, we decided that it would be our best option to take the train to Wr. Neustadt and ride north, because there were strong winds blowing from the south.
Wr. Neustadt is always a challenge. The bike path leading from the train station to the canal has hardly any signs and so far we have gotten lost every single time. Which is annoying because you’re looking forward to bicycling for some miles along the canal and not wasting time stopping and asking people where the bike route is. We even had a map this time (Marion’s iPhone) but we still took the wrong streets multiple times. Also, there is a weird detour now in Sollenau, because apparently the old bike path leads through a military zone they decided to close for cyclists. So there’s a detour now of several km… the path is getting more and more ridiculous every year.
The ride along the canal was awesome though – we had pretty strong tailwinds and were speeding along the gravel road, where there were no people at all. We saw various animals and plants along the way and could ride alongside and talk. There were some looming clouds in the west but they stayed there and we only felt some drops as we got to Bad Vöslau (at that point we had done 30km and felt it was enough) to take the train. (oh and of course we had to pass various roundabouts and other places in Vöslau, which triggered all sorts of memories… fml)
We got off in Mödling, where apparently it had rained a bit and went to my favorite Greek restaurant, where we sat outside, drank retsina and ate amazing mussels.
Pretty nice, right? Except for my thoughts I could not shake of despite the exercise and the wine….
At 10pm I had a phone-date with my homeboy Thomas, who of course can’t take away my pain either but who still managed to make me feel a lot better. It was one of those really awesome conversations last night, one where we can both be totally open with one another (we talked a lot about some of the things that are on his mind as well and it makes me happy when I know that he’s been healthy). Thomas also said some really nice things about me, which I don’t really want to write down here because they are very personal, but essentially it had something to do with the way I have changed (in a positive way), like, for example, how I never complained to him about how difficult things with the ex-lover were in the past months, even though they were. And also generally, how I hadn’t been complaining much overall (and other, more personal things). I’m not sure how much of this is true, but I do know that the months spent with the lover did change me – I definitely learned to give him more space (which of course I had to do due to the given situation), to be patient (still struggling with that) and most of all to enjoy the moments together. I have made some mistakes in my other relationships (especially in the one with NJB) and one of my personal goals (and this has nothing to do with the ex-lover) was to not repeat them in my next relationship. Funny thing is that the ex-lover made it easy for me to do some of those things differently and also to want me to become a better person overall. Of course these are things that I am working on because it’s not like I can change overnight but I felt I had made some progress. Like I said, this is much too personal to be talking about here openly….
So the night ended quite positively after all, even though the sadness remains, of course, but there’s not much I can do about that currently.